remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize