What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
