Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
