You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
