She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
