OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
