he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
