Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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