i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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