last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
