We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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