the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
