i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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