the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
