Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
