I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
