Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
