Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
