how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize