Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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