I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Floor bacon is actually really good
my god I love twenty year old dicks
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
