You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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