wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
mondays should just be called national damage control day
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
