They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
