Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
