Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
