i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
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