go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
