fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
he was CRYING into my vagina
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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