Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
