I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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