I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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