Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
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