Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
