Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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