I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
he quoted the bible to break up with me
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
