I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
