If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
