I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
