i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize