Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
