Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
bring money and cleavage
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I will pee on everything he values.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
