I showed him my bush... on skype.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
