i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
