Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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