Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I need mimosas to revive my soul
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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