I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
