just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
