you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
