Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
