I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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