There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
