is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
