someone threw a dead crab at me
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
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