Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
