Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
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