I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
