Your tits are I can't wait for
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
