There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
