your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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