we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
