Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
