i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
