My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Randomize
