if i can run in heels then i can drive
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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