Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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