I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Randomize
