we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Randomize
