shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize