I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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