My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
