She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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