I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
