Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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