That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
