can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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