Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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