I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Randomize
