we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
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