I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
