Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize