oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
