remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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