No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
