he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Randomize
