Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
