Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
