textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
