went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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