Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
