you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
