i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
