I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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