that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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