It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize