What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Randomize
