Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
And then my night got REAL pukey
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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